Guidelines for Shared Parenting During A Pandemic

In family law matters I frequently say that there is nothing that any client can say to me at this point in my career that would surprise me. Well, I never would have imagined writing a blog on parenting during a pandemic. The following guidelines have been adapted from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and the Association of Family and Conciliatory Courts:

1. BE HEALTHY.

Comply with all provincial and federal guidelines and model good behavior for your children with intensive hand washing, wiping down surfaces and other objects that are frequently touched, and maintaining social distancing. This also means BE INFORMED. Stay in touch with the most reliable media sources and avoid the rumor mill on social media.

2. BE MINDFUL.

Be honest about the seriousness of the pandemic but maintain a calm attitude.  Avoid making careless comments in front of the children and exposing them to endless media coverage intended for adults and at the same time, encourage your children to ask questions and express their concerns and answer them truthfully at a level that is age-appropriate. 

3. BE COMPLIANT with Parenting Agreements

As much as possible, try to avoid reinventing the wheel despite the unusual circumstances. The parenting agreement or court order exists to prevent endless haggling over the details of sharing parenting. 

4. BE CREATIVE.

At the same time, it would be foolish to expect that nothing will change when people are being advised not to travel and many outdoor spaces such as playgrounds and parks are being shut down. In addition, some parents will have to work extra hours to help deal with the crisis and other parents may be out of work or working reduced hours. Plans will inevitably have to change. Encourage closeness with the parent who is not going to see the child through shared books, movies, games and FaceTime or Skype.

5. BE TRANSPARENT.

Provide honest information to your co-parent about any suspected or confirmed exposure to the virus, and try to agree on what steps each of you will take to protect the child from exposure. Certainly both parents should be informed at once if the child is exhibiting any possible symptoms of the virus.

6. BE GENEROUS.

Try to provide makeup time to the parent who missed out, if at all possible. Now is not the time to be inflexible.

7. BE UNDERSTANDING.

There is no doubt that the pandemic will pose an economic hardship and lead to lost earnings for many parents, both those who are paying child support and those who are receiving child support. The parent who is paying should try to provide something, even if it can’t be the full amount. The parent who is receiving payments should try to be accommodating under these challenging and temporary circumstances.

Adversity can become an opportunity for parents to come together and focus on what is best for the child. For many children, the strange days of the pandemic will leave vivid memories. It’s important for every child to know and remember that both parents did everything they could to explain what was happening and to keep their child safe.

If you need assistance in negotiating changes to your parenting plan or child support, please remember that mediators and Collaborative Professionals have adapted their practices during this time and are available to assist families in the stage of separation, divorce or post-divorce.